DRD 48: Emotional Intelligence: The Skill That Outranks IQ (and Why You Need It Now)
- Dr. ARUN V J
- 1d
- 5 min read
The Hidden Superpower Nobody Taught You About
Imagine two people starting a new job on the same day.
One has a degree from a top university and an IQ that could intimidate a calculator.
The other? Average grades, but a quiet, grounded confidence. They listen, connect, and adapt.
Fast forward a year — guess who’s leading the team?
No, it’s not the one with the higher IQ.
It’s the one who understood people.
That’s the quiet force of emotional intelligence — the invisible skill that shapes how we navigate the world.
What Is Emotional Intelligence, Really?
Emotional intelligence (often called EI or EQ) is your ability to understand, use, and manage emotions — your own and others’.
It’s not about suppressing feelings or becoming overly sensitive; it’s about being in tune with what drives behavior, reactions, and relationships.
Think of it as your emotional operating system.
You may have the best hardware (intellect), but without the right software (emotional intelligence), everything crashes under pressure.
Daniel Goleman, who popularized the term in the 1990s, broke it down into five key components:
Self-awareness – Recognizing your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior.
Self-regulation – Managing your emotions instead of letting them manage you.
Motivation – Staying driven by inner values, not external rewards.
Empathy – Understanding what others feel and see.
Social skills – Building healthy, meaningful relationships.
Where Did Emotional Intelligence Come From?
The idea isn’t new.
Even ancient philosophies like Stoicism and Buddhism spoke about mastering emotions long before modern psychology named it.
But the term “emotional intelligence” appeared in research papers in the 1960s, and it wasn’t until 1995, when Daniel Goleman published his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, that the concept truly caught fire.
He argued something revolutionary:
“Emotional intelligence is a different way of being smart.”
And people listened.
Because deep down, everyone knew — intelligence alone doesn’t guarantee success, happiness, or meaningful relationships.
It’s how we handle emotions that defines how far we go.
Why Emotional Intelligence Matters (More Than Ever)
We live in an emotionally charged world — constant notifications, opinion overload, and unending comparisons.
The ability to stay calm, grounded, and compassionate has quietly become a superpower.
Here’s why it matters:
In relationships – Emotional intelligence helps you listen without defending and speak without offending.
At work – It makes you better at collaboration, leadership, and conflict resolution.
In self-growth – It teaches you to pause before reacting, which changes everything — from decisions to mental health.
You don’t need to be emotionless to be emotionally intelligent.
In fact, emotionally intelligent people feel deeply, but they’ve learned how not to drown in their own emotions.
A Simple Story: The Mirror Room
Once, a king built a room made entirely of mirrors.
When a dog accidentally wandered inside, it saw hundreds of dogs staring back.
Feeling threatened, it barked — and hundreds of “dogs” barked back.
Terrified, it died from exhaustion, fighting reflections of its own aggression.
The next day, another dog entered.
It wagged its tail — and hundreds of tails wagged back.
It left the room happy and peaceful.
The room never changed — the dog did.
That’s emotional intelligence.The world reflects what you project.
How to Assess Your Emotional Intelligence
Most people think they’re emotionally intelligent.
Few truly are.
Here are signs you might have high (or developing) emotional intelligence:
✅ Signs You Have It
You pause before reacting.
You can admit when you’re wrong.
You notice your emotions without judging them.
You try to understand people rather than label them.
You don’t depend on others for your sense of peace.
⚠️ Signs You Need to Work On It
You take criticism personally.
You often replay conversations in your head.
You struggle to express what you feel without guilt or anger.
You feel “drained” by other people’s emotions.
The good news?Emotional intelligence is trainable. Unlike IQ, it can grow with awareness and intention.
Step 1: Develop Self-Awareness — The Foundation of All Growth
If emotional intelligence were a tree, self-awareness would be its roots.
Without it, nothing else stands strong.
Self-awareness means noticing your emotions in real time — not hours later when regret hits.
It’s catching that subtle irritation before it turns into a sharp reply.
It’s recognizing your triggers, patterns, and internal stories.
🪞 Here’s how to start:
Name it to tame it.
When you feel something, label it: “I’m feeling anxious,” “I’m frustrated,” or “I’m overwhelmed.”This creates distance between you and the emotion.
Journal your emotional triggers.
Spend 5 minutes daily jotting what made you upset or happy. Over time, patterns emerge.
Practice mindfulness.
Not fancy meditation — just notice when your mind wanders and bring it back.
Observe your thoughts like a scientist, not a judge.
Ask trusted people for feedback.
Sometimes others see blind spots we miss. Don’t argue — listen. It’s pure gold.
Pause before responding.
That split-second pause between stimulus and response is where self-awareness lives.
Step 2: Regulate Before You React
Once you’re aware, the next challenge is control.
Self-regulation doesn’t mean suppressing emotions; it means channeling them wisely.
Example:
You get a harsh email.
Your first impulse? Fire back.
Instead, take 10 minutes, walk around, breathe, return.
You’ll see how clarity grows once emotion cools.
That’s the magic of response over reaction.
Step 3: Understand Others Without Absorbing Their Energy
Empathy is the bridge between self-awareness and connection.
But it’s easy to confuse empathy with emotional absorption.
You can feel with someone without feeling for everyone.
Empathy grows when you ask,
“What’s it like to be them right now?
”instead of “What’s wrong with them?”
Step 4: Cultivate Inner Motivation
Emotionally intelligent people don’t need constant validation.
Their motivation comes from purpose, not praise.
They find meaning in growth, not applause.
To strengthen this muscle:
Align your goals with your values.
Celebrate small wins.
Track progress, not perfection.
Remember, consistency beats intensity.
Step 5: Build Genuine Social Skills
This isn’t about networking.
It’s about connection — rooted in authenticity.
Listen to understand, not to reply.
Speak with clarity, not superiority.
And if you want to influence others, start by understanding them first.
The Psychology Behind Why This Matters
Humans are emotional creatures first, logical second.
Research shows over 80% of decisions are driven by emotion and only later justified by logic.
So mastering emotional intelligence isn’t just self-help — it’s human behavior optimization.
It rewires how your brain handles stress, decisions, and relationships.
The more emotionally intelligent you become, the more freedom you gain from impulsive reactions and draining conflicts.
A Small Daily Practice to Begin
Every night before sleeping, ask yourself:
What emotion did I feel the strongest today?
What triggered it?
How did I respond?
How could I have responded better?
Write this down for a week.
You’ll notice something shift — a space growing between emotion and action.
That’s growth. Silent, invisible, but powerful.
Final Thoughts: The Strength Behind Softness
The most emotionally intelligent people aren’t loud or flawless.
They’re calm in chaos.
They lead without forcing.
They inspire without preaching.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t make you soft — it makes you strong without being hard.
And that’s the kind of strength the world needs more of.
🧭 Your Turn
Take five minutes today.
Reflect on one emotion that’s been visiting you often lately — frustration, impatience, anxiety, maybe even joy.
Trace where it comes from.
Name it.
Understand it.
You’ve just taken your first step into emotional intelligence.
If this resonated, share it with someone who could use a little emotional clarity today.
And if you want more articles that help you think deeper and live wiser — visit www.thirdthinker.com and subscribe.
Because life doesn’t change by chance — it changes by awareness.
Dear Dr. Arun.
Wonderful writing., 😄