Quote 39: "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." — Kurt Vonnegut

The Man Behind the Quote: Why Kurt Vonnegut Warned Us About Pretending

Image courtesy: Wix

(1922-2007), the iconic American novelist and satirist, wrote this profound line in his 1962 novel Mother Night. A WWII veteran who survived the firebombing of Dresden as a POW, Vonnegut's dark humor and sharp wisdom came from witnessing humanity's best and worst.

The full context makes it even more powerful:"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." comes from the story of Howard W. Campbell Jr., an American spy who pretends to be a Nazi propagandist so convincingly that he ultimately becomes the monster he was pretending to be.

Vonnegut's message was urgent:

1. Identity is fluid - We become what we consistently act out

2. Morality is fragile - Even "fake" evil can corrupt your soul

3. Self-deception is dangerous - There's no such thing as "just pretending"

His wartime experiences showed him how ordinary people could commit atrocities by "just following orders" - by pretending their actions didn't matter. This quote is Vonnegut's warning: Your pretenses shape your character, whether you mean them to or not.

This quote isn’t just philosophical—it’s a psychological law. The roles we play, the identities we adopt, and the stories we tell ourselves shape who we become.

But here’s the problem: Most of us pretend to be weaker than we are.

We tell ourselves:

• "I need another degree before I’m qualified."

• "I need a few more years of experience before I’m ready."

• "I’ll start when I feel confident."

This mindset keeps us stuck in a loop of "I’m not enough yet." We chase a future version of ourselves that never arrives—because if you don’t believe in yourself now, you never will.

The truth? You are already enough. The only thing missing is your belief in yourself.

1. The Trap of "I’ll Be Ready Later" (And Why It’s a Lie)

We delay our dreams because we pretend we’re incomplete.

• A writer waits for "the right time" to publish.

• An entrepreneur thinks, "I need one more certification."

• A speaker says, "I’m not experienced enough to charge more."

But readiness is a myth. No one feels 100% prepared before taking the leap.

Image courtesy: Wix

Real-Life Example: J.K. Rowling

Before Harry Potter, Rowling was a struggling single mother on welfare. She could have told herself:

• "I’m not a real writer."

• "No one will read this."

• "I need more connections first."

But instead, she pretended she was a successful author—even when she had nothing. She believed in her story so fiercely that she submitted her manuscript 12 times before getting published.

What if she had waited for "the right time"? The world would never have known Harry Potter.

2. How Pretending Weakness Creates a Weaker You

Your brain adapts to the story you tell it.

If you say:

• "I’m not good enough," → your brain looks for proof.

• "I’m capable," → your brain finds ways to make it true.

This is why affirmations work—but only as a starting point.

Repeating "I am confident" in the mirror is just Step 1. Real change happens when your belief is so strong that you act on it relentlessly.

Real-Life Example: Muhammad Ali

Ali didn’t just say, "I am the greatest." He lived it.

• He trained harder than anyone.

• He visualized victory before every fight.

• He spoke his success into existence before it happened.

His belief wasn’t passive—it was a burning obsession that drove his actions.

Image courtesy: Wix

3. How to Pretend the Right Way (And Make It Real)

A. Stop Waiting—Start Acting

• You don’t need permission. The best entrepreneurs, artists, and leaders started before they were "ready."

• Action builds confidence. Not the other way around.

B. Adopt the Identity You Want

• If you want to be a leader, start leading now (even in small ways).

• If you want to be fit, say, "I’m someone who prioritizes health"—then act like it.

C. Let Your Belief Drive Obsessive Action

• Belief alone isn’t enough. You must crave your goal like oxygen.

• If you’re not losing sleep over it, you don’t want it badly enough.

Real-Life Example: Elon Musk

When Musk started SpaceX, experts said private space travel was impossible. He had no formal aerospace degree. But he:

• Read textbooks on rocket science.

• Hired the best engineers.

• Risked his entire fortune.

He pretended SpaceX would succeed—until it did.

4. The Ultimate Shift: From "Someday" to "Now"

The difference between those who succeed and those who don’t? One group pretends they’re already who they want to be—and acts accordingly.

• Stop saying: "I’ll start when…"

• Start saying: "I am becoming this now."

Your Challenge:

For the next 7 days:

1. Pick one identity you want (e.g., "I am a confident speaker").

2. Act as if it’s already true (speak up in meetings, record a video, etc.).

3. Observe how your brain starts believing it.

Final Thought

You are one decision away from a different life. The question is:

Who will you pretend to be—starting today?

(Drop a comment below: What’s the #1 identity you’re committing to?)

🔥 Loved this? Share it with someone who needs to stop waiting and start believing!